Normally, I like to keep blog postings short. "Fair warning" this one won't be. It could be a 2 part 3 part or even a 4 part but I'm going for the big enchilada on this one. So if you hang in there and read what's been going on in the land of dark storms maybe you will find couragement and perhaps you will find courage also to surrender your wheel, port, bow, stern, ship to the Commander.
I can't believe that it's been close to a month since I've posted. A lot has been going on...lots of dark moments. Ever had those times where clouds seem to hang over top of you. You know in a battle but the worst realization is that it's mostly with yourself. Oh I want to blame the enemy for the darkness, the battle within, the pit... but the reality is the enemy is mostly my undoing or battle of the undoing of self. Yes, that lifelong battle of being renewed, getting rid of the stuff that's hiding deep within that you didn't even know for sure was a problem but there it is one day rising up like a dragon from the depths of the sea and it's ugly dude - and your thinking to yourself - God help me ...Where in the world did that come from?
Well, the good news is that when you cry out to God, he does come to help. It may seem like he's late on the scene but he's not.
I'm going to digress a bit here and refer to last year when I began a journey on a spiritual breakthrough on pride. It was a real struggle at that time but one day while gardening digging out a deep root with a pick axe I experienced a God moment. He showed me that pride is like the deep rooted wild tree I was trying to extract from my garden, if I didn't work way down into the soil with the sharp end of the pick it would just grow back and perhaps would even spread it's roots and cause more trouble.
Well God was faithful in helping me deal with that and through that time I was very interested in disciplines of reading. Dr. Bruce Wilkinson recommends many authors that I was becoming familiar with at the end of his book. So I invested in some reading material...not just a few books but perhaps 10-20+ books. One of those books was Renovation of the heart by Dallas Willard. It's powerful, I'm not far into the book but let me tell you he hammers it. He says the greatest need, the only hope of humanity lies in the fact that as our spiritual dimension has been formed, so it also can be transformed.
Dallas then talks about the revolution of Jesus and how he took a little band of friends and sent them out to "teach all nations" that is to make students (apprentices) to him from all ethnic groups. His objective ..to eventually bring all of human life on earth under the direction of his wisdom, goodness, and power, as part of God's eternal plan for the universe. Sending out his trainees he set in motion a perpetual world revolution; one that is til in process and will continue until God's will is done on earth as it is in heaven.
So this revolution of the human heart or spirit does not proceed by means of the formation of social institutions and laws, outer forms of our existence which might impose a good order of life upon me because of their power. No Jesus is much more about revolutionizing character which proceeds by changing people from the inside through ongoing personal relationship to God in Christ and to one another. So here is where I'm starting to see why there's apparent darkness over me. This relationship is about changing ideas, beliefs, feelings and habits of choice, as well as bodily tendencies and social relations. It's going to penetrate to the deepest layers of my soul.
So as I'm reading this book and I know God is at work through the power of Christ and the Holy Spirit prepping me to look inside me. You see, I don't read fast, sometimes I read so painfully slow that I wonder how in the world will I ever get all of these books read before I die.
So I'm reading "The impotence of "systems" is a main reason why Jesus did not send his students (disciples aka apprentices) out to start governments or even churches as we know them today which always strongly convey some elements of a human system. They were instead, to establish beachheads of his person, word, and power in the midst of a failing and futile humanity. They were to bring the presence of the kingdom and its King into every corner of human life simply by fully living in the kingdom with him."
"Those who received him as their living Lord and constant instructor would be "God's chosen ones, holy and beloved" (Colossians 3:12 nrsv) and would learn how to "be blameless and harmless, children of God, faultless in the midst of a twisted and misguided generation, from within which they shine as lights in the world, lifting up a word of life" (Phillippians 2:15-16 par)
Now all the while I'm chewing on this I'm also reading a leadership book by Kenneth Boa entitled The Perfect Leader, Practicing the leadership traits of God. From page 27 "As we dig, we must ask God to provide us with insight and understanding. Ultimately, only god can open our eyes to see spiritual truth and then enable us to apply that truth to our lives (Ephesians 1:18) As God fills our mind with wisdom, our character will develop so that we will possess the ability to consistenly make right choices--choices that are just, fair, and moral.
As Henry Blackaby and Claude King note in their book "Experiencing God" (have but haven't begun to read)....
"Once you come to believe God, you demonstrate your faith by what you do. Some action is required...You cannot continue life as usual or stay where you are, and go with God at the same time... To go from your ways, thoughts, and purposes to God's will always requires a major adjustment. God ma require adjustments in your circumstances, relationships, thinking, commitments, actions, and beliefs. Once you have made the necessary adjustments you can follow God in obedience. Keep in mind-the God who calls you is also the One who will enable you to do His will.
It's at this point I realize that I need to let go of some silly things I hang on to, not out of pride as much as out of "it's my personal information" I don't want to share it. But God seems to be saying "trust me with this"...release it and trust me. Here's the silliest thing, not all women are plagued by this insecurity as I am. So here I am letting go, being transparent so that I can pursue joy. I'm in a competition at church to lose weight and I've lost 23 lbs. which is great but I'm hanging on to the fact of where I was when I started at 200 rather than rejoicing in the fact that I'm at 177 and on my way down further, getting healthy. God is good is helping me to realize ...something was wrong with the picture.
You may be wondering at this point what is the timeframe of all of this, it's a couple of days since I've picked up the two books and a new one +5 come in the mail. Spiritual Leadership, Principles of Excellence for Every Believer by J. Oswald Sanders. I crack it open and begin light reading of it and land on this quote by Samuel Brengle, a gifted leader of the Salvation Army who outline the road to spiritual authority and leadership:
"It is not won by promotion, but by many prayers and tears. It is attained by confession of sin, and much heart-searching and humbling before God; by self-surrender, a courageious sacrifice of every idol, a bold cuncomplaining embrace of the cross, and by eternally looking unto Jesus crucified. It is not gained by seeking great things for ourselves, but like Paul, by counting those things that are gain to us as loss for Christ. This is a great price, but it must be paid by the leader whose power is recognized and felt in heaven, on earth, and in hell."
I am so thankful that The ReignForest has a team of three women who lift up every volunteer in prayer...that when I call on them and tell them, please pray for me I know that they are remembering me in prayer. This has been going on for the past couple of months during the darkness of the storm. Do I believe that this is all plays a role in the climax of what took place late Sunday night and early Monday morning ...without a doubt. Now I take you to Sunday night as I'm in bed and at a whim decide to listen to Francis Chan preaching on the topic of JOY.
He shares how Cheetos have no grams of Trans Fat. So he looks at the ingredients and says what's really in Cheetos. The label of ingredients doesn't look so great but the package says no grams of Trans Fat...so it kind of leads us to believe that Cheetos are not bad for us. Well he compares Christians to looking like a package of Cheetos...where we are doing the right things, serving, giving, I don't drink, don't swear, don't sleep with anyone anymore...whatever. Meanwhile we have all this stuff inside us that is junk. Our label may say one thing but we are really keeping it inside. Chan says that Jesus says a good Christian is someone who at the core of their being are madly in love with Christ. That we love him with every fiber of our being. Is that true of you? Chan asks. Rejoicing in him. Here's a passage that is a command of God.
From Phillipians 4
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.Along with this sermon I realized that God was getting my attention on my heart condition of rejoicing through darkness
When we are in love we do things appropriately....to others, to situations, to whatever.
Chan challenges us to really love Christ and believe what the bible says on this. Think about it ..if we really believe this, we walk away and never "worry" for the rest of our lives.
WOW, I need to never stop taking my mind off of God, and experiencing His joy... He is the supplier, finisher, author of my faith, provider, supplier of peace. My hope, my salvation, my coming King. I really want to rejoice so much that every one can see His love in me.
There's 3 sermon messages on JOY and they are awesome...check out http://www.francischan.org/ and you can jump to his church Cornerstone to get his sermons.
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