Today in my one-on-one with my boss I expressed how over the past month I realized my test may have been one of endurance. It had been a long long time since I had faced such a time of depression and turmoil in my life. Somehow, Thank God-he uses times like these to draw me close to Him.
This place was familiar to me with it's sensation of spinning and spiraling. It was a place from the past-not a place I really wanted to visit again. For over 20 years, early on in my marriage, I had suffered with the life-draining beast of depression. At times it had gotten so bad that I thought I must be losing my mind. Turning to doctors and medication I would do different programs and prescriptions but they never seemed to be the answer for me.
People often try to encourage you with wisdom of their own or using God's Word to help "bring you to your senses". You know, "What have you got to be depressed about?" "You need to count your blessings." and on and on. All valid sayings, all justifiable things to do. But perhaps one should consider an option of just being supportive with offering to remember them in prayer, to simply sit by them, walk with them or just be a friend rather than focusing on trying to fix the person or their problem. You can never ever go wrong by remembering a person in your prayers.
This place where I was residing was what I refer to as "the funnel". Imagine yourself living life outside the funnel and all of a sudden you find yourself on a slick slanted surface swirling around and downward into a spiral and as you go lower and lower it gets darker and darker.
This is a dark, lonely, unfriendly place.
It's a place filled with imaginary conversations.
Tell me, is it realistically a place someone would purposely journey to?
I have not been able to blog about this because it's been difficult to understand what the struggle was all about. I'm pretty sure I most likely was suffering burnout. My energy level was so low that I didn't even have fumes to smell. One thing I knew I had to regain margin in my life, like my life depended on it ..because it really did.
So how is it turning around...I've experience some good margin over the past few weeks, setting time to be quiet, enjoy vigorous activity in nature and depending on God's ability to cover me with His wings of protection and teach me His secret of glory-strength endurance. Currently I'm counting more good days than bad ones. It's doesn't looke like it's going to be a 20 year event. Praise God!!
Thank you God for your ability to cover me, provide shelter and your faithful promise of armor and protection.
Psalm 91:4 (New Living Translation)
4 He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
Colossians 1:10-12 (The Message)
9-12Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.
My prayer for you today if you are in a dark place is to allow someone to walk beside you, sit with you or pray for you. Then endure the unendurable so you will find the glory-strength that only God can give.
Thanks for reading a little bit about my recent journey.
